It's a crazy mean and angry world we live in these days. As Bon Jovi so poetically sang, "No one wants to be themselves these days"...this blog is not a cliche attempt to send out a hidden message to someone who I've been hurting with without consideration quite a bit since of late. God as my witness, none of it was done with malice or intent to hurt her...but the devil seem to have won the first few rounds. I am sad. I truly am. I am apologetic, I am sincerely sorry.
Work around me seem to be the culprit in the foremost manner. Too much of pressure, too much stress, too many meetings and too much work what my frail structure could handle...but that does not justify my dynamite volatility of a mental state that has taken over me lately. I come home, and even the slightest word with a wrong timing seem to offend me which in turn leads to a verbal outbreak in the harshest of forms known to the both of us. I JUST WISH I WASN'T SO EASILY ANNOYED, since of late. I am sorry for it.
Will Smith was damn straight speaking the truth when his first single "Parents just don't understand" was released. Little did I know as a bloomer to the music of R&B that it would be the outcome twenty something years later. The parents just don't understand. Caught in a crossfire where ego's and feelings are hurt, I am a prime example of collateral damage. The kindda stuff Karan Johar would be drooling to write & direct for his next Bollywood blockbuster (in which case I would want SRK to play me, purely based on the fact that I need the ratings :p) ...I JUST WISH MY PARENTS LEFT ME ALONE TO BE THE (almost) 29YEAR OLD MAN I AM. I am sorry about them.
The traffic I endure, is a living organism. Like Hercules slaying Hydra, I indulge in this life & death battle on a daily basis. It wears me down, ageing me little by little, almost to a state that my legs fail me to walk, hands fail me to catch and my head fails me to think...all of which contributes to my rage that waves over love and affection, in which case the Satan takes over me and I swing in to a frenzy where words become my swords & I slash all thats in my sight...only that I keep slashing her heart...I JUST WISH THAT I BE DELIVERED FROM SATAN SO THAT I MAY NOT SLASH HER HEART. I am sorry for my over powering rage.
Loneliness knows me by heart. It physically hurts me to see other couples hand in hand and being all mushy. I want that with my princess...I want to hold her, smell her silky hair and play with her pink fingers while I gaze in to those beautiful eyes before I whisper in to her ear; "I love you angel"...it saddens me that she is not here, all would be simplified if I have my bubsypops in my arms...I would never let go of her then! I JUST WISH SHE WAS HERE, SO THAT LONELINESS TO ME WOULD BE AN ALIEN. I am sorry for my constant clingy neediness.
I will hang in there for the name of love, hold her hand through the screams, tears, rage and scars...and look in to your eyes one day while your dressed in white on an aisle at a beautifully decorated church surrounded by all our family & friends and think to myself, aloud "it was all worth it!" ... I JUST WISH I WAS DIFFERENT AND NOT THIS PERSON WHO I AM NOW!
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