It will be worth it.

Staying back in UK to finish my degree:

it will be worth it.

Not settling for a comfortable relationship and instead fighting for love:

it will be worth it.

Saving money instead of buying the adorable polka dot dress i've been coveting:

it will be worth it.

saying no to some things now, to wait for what i really, truly want:

it will be worth it.

this crazy, befuddled, teary-eyed time of confusion:

(though sometimes i get a bit disheveled with it all, i do truly believe)

it will be worth it.

The quest for a purpose.

The purpose...?

In the famous words of Kanye West; "What's it all about?" ...why are we here? Why does the world turn? And why do boys fall in love? Bordering being called gay (with all due respect for the community in question...peace!) I hereby write that I am a boy (hardly at the ripe old age of 29, but that's another blog topic altogether) and I am in love. I am new to this (both being in love & bloggin) so here goes...pardon the errors and happy reading folks.

What is the purpose of being in love? None I would say. There is no reason why one should be in love.There is no justification that is needed...one day you are walking happily down the road and next minute your hanging by the ceiling fan wondering what on earth happened? where am I? And how on earth did I ever get by without her all my life? All note-worthy questions. All of which is sure to leave you unanswered and baffled with a smile for the rest of your natural life (and then some).

I have lived long enough to realize that there is no answer to the question "WHY?"...simply accept it that happened, enjoy the ride and love the girl with all your heart & hold on to her with all your might (unless you'r Dwayne "The Rock" Jhonson, but if your reading Rock, you should too). Never let her feel alone, make her cry or let her feel as if your the biggest mistake they made in their life. Life does not throw you that many life lines. When your alive the best you can hope for is a hand to hold that would never let go for that is when you alive the most! 

So Purpose...yeh the purpose...the almighty important question...this blog doesn't make sense, neither does the quest to find what the purpose is or why bother. If you are blessed with the love of a good girl, keep it that way, nurture it, protect it and respect it...most of all return the love in ten fold for that love is your life line, your breath of air, your direction to Amarillo...your world...hell your whole UNIVERSE! Purpose? Do you need one? Honestly? :)

(My first blog is dedicated to my Girl who introduced me to this)

If i had to boil my entire life philosophy down to seven words, it would be this:

I read this and sobbed--the kind of good, big, open tears that unfurl the chest.

So if you read only one thing today, let it be this-- please, God, let it be this:

(i'm posting it in full here, but please, take note: THESE WORDS ARE NOT MINE. the original can be found here).

Dear Sugar,

I read your column religiously. I’m 22. From what I can tell by your writing, you’re in your early 40s. My question is short and sweet: what would you tell your 20-something self if you could talk to her now?

Love,

Seeking Wisdom

Dear Seeking Wisdom,

Stop worrying about whether you’re fat. You’re not fat. Or rather, you’re sometimes a little bit fat, but who gives a shit? There is nothing more boring and fruitless than a woman lamenting the fact that her stomach is round. Feed yourself. Literally. The sort of people worthy of your love will love you more for this, sweet pea.

In the middle of the night in the middle of your twenties when your best woman friend crawls naked into your bed, straddles you, and says, You should run away from me before I devour you, believe her.

You are not a terrible person for wanting to break up with someone you love. You don’t need a reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough. Leaving doesn’t mean you’re incapable of real love or that you’ll never love anyone else again. It doesn’t mean you’re morally bankrupt or psychologically demented or a nymphomaniac. It means you wish to change the terms of one particular relationship. That’s all. Be brave enough to break your own heart.

When that really sweet but fucked up gay couple invites you over to their cool apartment to do ecstasy with them, say no.

There are some things you can't understand yet. Your life will be a great and continuous unfolding. It’s good you’ve worked hard to resolve childhood issues while in your twenties, but understand that what you resolve will need to be resolved again. And again. You will come to know things that can only be known with the wisdom of age and the grace of years. Most of those things will have to do with forgiveness.

One evening you will be rolling around on the wooden floor of your apartment with a man who will tell you he doesn’t have a condom. You will smile in this spunky way that you think is hot and tell him to fuck you anyway. This will be a mistake for which you alone will pay.

Don’t lament so much about how your career is going to turn out. You don’t have a career. You have a life. Do the work. Keep the faith. Be true blue. You are a writer because you write. Keep writing and quit your bitching. Your book has a birthday. You don’t know what it is yet.

You cannot convince people to love you. This is an absolute rule. No one will ever give you love because you want him or her to give it. Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.

Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.

One hot afternoon during the era in which you’ve gotten yourself ridiculously tangled up with heroin you will be riding the bus and thinking what a worthless piece of crap you are when a little girl will get on the bus holding the strings of two purple balloons. She’ll offer you one of the balloons, but you won’t take it because you believe you no longer have a right to such tiny beautiful things. You’re wrong. You do.

Your assumptions about the lives of others are in direct relation to your naïve pomposity. Many people you believe to be rich are not rich. Many people you think have it easy worked hard for what they got. Many people who seem to be gliding right along have suffered and are suffering. Many people who appear to you to be old and stupidly saddled down with kids and cars and houses were once every bit as hip and pompous as you.

When you meet a man in the doorway of a Mexican restaurant who later kisses you while explaining that this kiss doesn’t “mean anything” because, much as he likes you, he is not interested in having a relationship with you or anyone right now, just laugh and kiss him back. Your daughter will have his sense of humor. Your son will have his eyes.

The useless days will add up to something. The shitty waitressing jobs. The hours writing in your journal. The long meandering walks. The hours reading poetry and story collections and novels and dead people’s diaries and wondering about sex and God and whether you should shave under your arms or not. These things are your becoming.

One Christmas at the very beginning of your twenties when your mother gives you a warm coat that she saved for months to buy, don’t look at her skeptically after she tells you she thought the coat was perfect for you. Don’t hold it up and say it’s longer than you like your coats to be and too puffy and possibly even too warm. Your mother will be dead by spring. That coat will be the last gift she gave you. You will regret the small thing you didn’t say for the rest of your life.

Say thank you.

Yours,

Sugar

you don't have a career. you have a life.

acceptance is a small, quiet room. 

what you resolve will need to be resolved again. 

the kiss in doorway--that's where i began to really lose it. from there it was all downhill. or up, maybe. this piece will be bookmarked in my tab bar till the end of time.

We don't want to know all the answers.

You need someone in your life who excites you, makes you nervous, and forces you to question what you think you already know. These usually come in the form of a crush or a relationship. A relationship is obviously ideal but a crush can tide you over like a nice appetizer. We spend so much of our time feeling jaded and set in our ideas, and that’s clearly not a fun way to exist. We pretend it is but deep down it feels a little miserable because we don’t want to know all the answers. We want someone who’s challenging, who we can’t figure out, and can tell us that we’re full of crap. We need someone to get us off the internet and remind us that real life is much more fun. And it’s okay to be unsure and nervous because that just means we’re alive again.

Gentleman in the world, date a girl who reads.

[by Rosemarie Urquico]

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent.  Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.